Help! My friends won't understand

ChangeHappiness

Jun 22

What happens when you take a break from alcohol, and you just don't think that your friends will understand? You're worried that maybe they'll stop inviting you to hang out with them. You're worried that they won’t enjoy your presence as much, or that they’ll think you're boring and lame. I encourage you to pick these thoughts apart—to shift your mindset and see it a little differently. Your friends are a lot more understanding than you think. This could actually be a really cool opportunity to get closer to them.

When we think that other people don't understand, we assume that the negative effects of alcohol only happens to us, and that’s just not true. Everyone who drinks alcohol feels its negative effects. Everyone doesn’t sleep well after drinking. Everyone feels anxious or physically and emotionally drained the next day.

Some people are really good at dissociating from these negative effects. They don't even know it's the alcohol. They assume that's just what it feels like to get older. That's why I love to say that women who choose to take a break from alcohol are actually the most intuitive women on the planet. They notice alcohol doesn’t feel right. They want something better for themselves. They want to take a break from alcohol. No one likes the way alcohol affects them the next day if they’re truly being honest with themselves. They just don't have the intuition to articulate that yet. Maybe they don't have the trust in themselves or vulnerability to know that alcohol is not serving them.

What makes me say that? Around 52% of Americans say they want to drink less or not at all, and that doesn't even count people who are already alcohol-free. That means that upwards of 70% of people want to drink less or want to stop drinking altogether. When you're armed with that data, you start to look at the world a little bit differently. You start to see that these are patterns that we've fallen into. Your friends may always go to happy hour or always seem to open a bottle of wine but maybe they actually don’t like it that much. Deep, deep down in our souls, we want something better for ourselves. We want something deeper.

You Are A Leader

I want you to feel proud of yourself for taking a break from alcohol. Never feel embarrassed. Changing your relationship with alcohol makes you a leader, a role model, and an inspiration to your friend group.

What if you tell the truth when someone asks why you’re taking a break from alcohol? Say something like, “You know what? Alcohol wasn't making me feel my best. I'm not drinking right now, and I actually feel amazing. I sleep so much better, and I feel a lot more positive.” What if that opens the door to a little bit more vulnerability in your friendships? What if they understand better than you ever expected?

But What Do I Say?

But let’s backup a little. Maybe people don't see each other as often as they used to because of the pandemic. Maybe you have 30 days or 60 days alcohol-free, and you're about to go to lunch with a friend and she thinks you're going to split a bottle of wine with her because that's what you've always done. What do you say?

First of all, always paint it in a good light. Lead with all the benefits you're experiencing. When you share the benefits you're experiencing, no one is going to pressure you to drink so that you will feel like crap again. One strategy my clients use is to say they’re doing a health challenge. Say, “I'm doing a health challenge, and I've never felt better. My sleep is getting better. I have more energy in the mornings, and it's just a really positive change for me.”

Another idea is to to say alcohol was giving you headaches or making you feel tired or physically drained. That might sound like, “I'm taking a break right now, and I've never felt better. I'm happier than ever. I’ve been trying new things and learning about myself. It's really good. Do you mind if I just order mocktail?” If it's really nerve-racking to have this conversation in-person, you can always text them ahead of time. You can always text them something like, “Hey. I’d love to see you. Can’t wait for dinner tonight. Just so you know, I’m taking a break from alcohol right now.”

Your friends might surprise you. I thought my friends would judge me, but—when I started talking about it—it opened up the floodgates instead. They started talking to me about their relationship with alcohol. They weren’t feeling their best after drinking, either. It may add another deeper layer to your friendship. People experience negative effects from alcohol across the board. Maybe they’re just not talking about them yet. You might help them get there. You might help them say it out loud. That doesn’t mean they have to take a break from alcohol, but it’s nice to be able to talk about the elephant in the room—to be able to express the things that are true in our lives. If you never talk about it, it can be a disservice to your friendships.

Friendships Evolve

It’s important to remember that some friendships are meant to evolve, too. Evolving doesn’t always mean growing apart. It can mean growing closer and building more fulfilling friendships together. There was a time in our lives when you and your friends were all single, and it was normal to go out to clubs and bars. Then you grew up. Maybe people started getting married. Maybe some didn’t. And things changed. If it's a strong friendship, you continue on to this next phase of life together. And then maybe someone has a baby. Maybe you have a baby. Things change again. It’s a different dynamic. You evolve. Seeing your friendships evolve into something deeper than just having wine or going out for drinks can be a really beautiful thing.

Once alcohol was no longer the elephant in the room with my friends, we grew so much closer. We started talking about our fears. We started talking about our dreams. We started talking about our deep, deep, deep visions for our lives. We did different things together. We went on coffee dates. We went hiking together. And we still hung out at bars and restaurants. I just drank a mocktail. It wasn’t a big deal. If someone really, really doesn't understand, and they're not up for going on a hike with you and they don't want to get coffee and they do not like the fact that you're taking a break from alcohol, that may be a sign that it’s time to reassess the friendship. Ask yourself, Do I really have nothing in common with this person but alcohol? Do I admire their lifestyle? Maybe they're just meant to be an acquaintance in your life. That’s okay. You can meet new people.

Make New alcohol-free Friends

It's also a really great idea to meet new alcohol-free women. I have videos, blogs, and guides within my program, Become Euphoric, talking about how to do that. Make sure to actually go out and try to meet new people, too. When you put yourself out there, you will attract high vibe women into your life. Form close friendships with women who inspire you to keep growing. The most beautiful thing about friendships is that we are meant to grow together. When you share growth with your friends, your friendships will never die. Growth is the ability to evolve, to change, to learn—to become the best version of yourself in body, mind, and, spirit.

One of the things I do is coach women to help them grow their businesses, attract clients, and have full autonomy over their careers. My business client, a new alcohol-free coach, posted something beautiful on Women's International Day, and it spoke to friendship and growth and empowering other women. Here’s what she said:

“On International Women's Day, I want to talk about how we empower other women, not just ourselves. I was speaking to a client yesterday morning who has one belief about alcohol that she can't shake. She believes she needs to drink in order to fit in with her friends.
The ultimate act of empowering another woman is allowing her to say no. If she doesn't want to drink, it's giving her a high five and telling her you're proud of her and the decision she has made for her health and for her family.
Let's eliminate telling other women that they’re boring if they don't want to drink. Let's normalize saying no to alcohol and saying yes to empowering our friends. If we were all just a little more curious about our relationship with alcohol and supporting each other, together we can create a society where women don't have to feel the pressure to drink a toxic, carcinogenic substance in order to feel included. So I'm going to ask you to do something a little wild and crazy today. In honor of International Women's Day, I want you to tag someone who you gave a hard time about not drinking in the past. Maybe it was years ago. Maybe it was a lot more recent than you’d like to admit. I want you to tag her and tell her you love her and that you'll support her the next time she orders a mocktail. Be brave. Let's show each other what true support and empowerment really means.”

I hope this inspires you. I hope it gives you confidence to speak freely in front of your friends. I hope it helps you relate to and understand them better so that you do not feel like the odd one out. Really, truly, you are standing in your power. You are inspiring others and challenging others to push themselves. You love people for who they are and where they are. Find friends who give you the same respect, and nurture and build those friendships as you continue to grow in your alcohol-free journey.