Episode 129: Compassion First With Scott Pinyard

Jul 13

Compassion is the #1 way we can really change the way we look at alcohol. How often do we try and use shame, guilt, or blame as a means of holding ourselves accountable? And how often does it fail to be enough?

If you haven’t heard of the book This Naked Mind, it was absolutely transformative in Karolina’s life, and today she is joined by their head coach, Scott Pinyard. Scott opens up about his backstory, finding freedom from alcohol using the book This Naked Mind, and how he ultimately came to work at This Naked Mind Institute. This is actually the same place where Karolina attained her own alcohol-free coaching certification, and she and Scott look at what’s so unique and powerful about their approach. Scott also dives deep into this idea of compassion first, and why shame, guilt, blame, and willpower can only get a person so far.

This Naked Mind leads not only from scientific research, but experience and that compassion is the number one way to really change beliefs around alcohol. Discover the power of a compassionate stance, the importance of emotion-based goals, and freedom to create your own alcohol-free journey!

Building a life you don’t want to escape from

Scott Pinyard is the head coach of This Naked Mind Institute where his main passion is helping people move beyond quitting alcohol, and into building a life that “they don't want to escape from.”

Growing up, Scott’s Dad was an alcoholic, which caused him to be afraid of drinking. This changed when he went off to college and began drinking right away as a freshmen. After getting dumped his senior year, alcohol felt like an easy option to lean on as a way to cope and deal with struggles, and from there he went down a path of continuing to drink more and more.

Over time, it got worse, seeping its way into his family life, work life, and finances. At the same time, Scott wasn't sure if he wanted to quit drinking. He could see the bad, but also still had the mindset of alcohol being a coping mechanism.

From watching his Dad’s journey to becoming sober, he concluded that being alcohol free would be miserable. His perspective was deprivation-based.

From attending AA, to therapy and different books, Scott tried a variety of approaches to quitting alcohol. He spent about 6 years trying, using willpower, shame, guilt, blame, and anger trying to quit something he actually still wanted to do.

Then he discovered the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and everything changed. Her perspective and insight was, as Scott describes, “radical and revolutionary.”

He read through the book in just one weekend, then slowly reread it over a couple months, steeping in all it had to offer. About five months after discovering Annie’s book, Scott had ditched alcohol for good, after 15 years of drinking.

Discovering a passion to help others succeed.

Prior to Scott’s coaching career, he worked as an engineer. Looking back, his pattern was to constantly jump from job to job and he never really had a passion for it.

This Naked Mind shifted Scott’s thinking so much that he began sharing what he learned with others. Over time, people began asking to meet one on one for support and guidance, and as opportunities grew, Scott found a passion and decided to follow it.

His coaching grew organically through word of mouth. For Scott it’s always been about helping someone see life from a new perspective. As the side hustle evolved into a business, he began to understand what it means to really love what you do.

Quitting alcohol is really the beginning of the journey, right?!

Alcohol just gets in the way of what life has to offer us. Scott realized this for himself and now helps others who see alcohol standing in the way of improving or shifting their life.

Not long after he decided to start coaching, Annie Grace sent out an email seeking guests for her podcast. Scott signed up instantly, and after recording, they continued to stay in touch. Then, when launching one of their first coaching programs, Annie asked Scott to be one of the coaches. He stayed involved with the institute until a full-time position became available and then he jumped on it. That was 4 years ago!

In Scott’s own words, “At the end of the day for us, it's about spreading the message… and shifting that conversation.”

Compassion-based change

I remember attending a lunch and learn to hear from a researcher who did extensive peer-driven research on efficacy in programs. Results show that the more labels a program uses and the more they use words like “alcoholic” or “relapse”, the worse it is for someone’s self-worth, which in turn, totally impacts the sustainability of their alcohol-free journey over time.

What this tells me is that changing how we talk about quitting alcohol is not only a shift for a culture that normalizes drinking, right? It's also a shift from traditional sobriety culture, too.

The work that Scott and This Naked Mind Institute is doing is about forging a brand new path while also welcoming everyone into the conversation. Part of doing this work is shifting away from words like relapse, slip, or fell off the wagon, etc... instead they talk about data points.

Let’s say you’re in a program and drank last night. If you chose to drink, it's just a data point. Instead of judging or shaming yourself, just observe it. Ask yourself:

“Did it work for you or not?”

“Did you feel the way you wanted to feel?”

“Did things go the way you wanted them to go?”

We can use these experiences to gather information instead of living in guilt or blame. Scott refers to this as compassion-based change, which can create more effective, longer lasting, and deeper change in our lives.

So what makes This Naked Mind different?

Instead of a behavior-based goal, they use emotion-based goals. Maybe you are drinking just a little bit less than you were, but you notice that you’re feeling so much better. To Scott, that's a win worth celebrating.

That choice and that autonomy is so important. It takes the judgment away. Even if you realize after that it didn’t work, you learn from it, and can choose something different in the next moment!

A great example Scott uses is a baby learning to walk. They're going to fall, right? AND It's through the falls that they learn to walk. So just imagine giving yourself the space to grow. Sure, you will probably fall down a few times. It’s just a data point. Learn from it, go again, and know that you are doing beautiful and lasting work!

“Nothing's off limits, right? So if everything's okay, then that means I get to choose in this moment, what direction I want to go. And that, to me, has always felt better than strict rules and boundaries and the sort of boxed-in feeling that I had with other methods.” - Scott Pinyard

LINKS/RESOURCES MENTIONED

Learn more about This Naked Mind, their programs, and free materials through their website. Also be sure to give them a follow on Instagram.

Karolina’s book is available in hardcover, Kindle, and as an audiobook. Be sure to get your copy of Euphoric: Ditch Alcohol and Gain a Happier, More Confident You today and leave your review.

Follow @euphoric.af on Instagram

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