Episode 132: Serve Their Soul Not Their Personality - Tips on Dealing with Your Partner

Aug 3

What if upleveling your own life can actually serve your partner's soul in a beautiful way?

It’s time to get into what it’s like to go alcohol-free (while your partner still drinks!)

So often fear is what holds us back from making expansive changes in our lives. If you’ve thought about taking a break from alcohol or maybe ditching it all together, this episode is here to encourage and support you.

Karolina shares from her heart about what it was like to go alcohol-free with a husband who still drinks. From the fear of tearing their marriage apart, to the unexpected beauty that came from her decisions, she walks you through the process of leaving breadcrumbs, sharing the experience, and deepening the connection you share with your partner.

The importance of autonomy

If you have a partner, odds are pretty good that the two of you share very similar drinking habits. You also likely drink together. Am I right?

Because of this it can make the idea of taking a break or quitting alcohol feel absolutely terrifying:

“How will this impact my relationship?”

“Will I tear our marriage apart?”

“What if my partner feels left behind?”

Let’s break this down though…

I commonly hear women conclude that alcohol is not serving them and lemme tell ya, I hear this waaaay more often from women than I do men!

Huge generalization here, but men are conditioned to suppress their emotions whereas women are typically more tuned in to their emotions, and are thus more easily connect to their intuition. Women carry more shame around alcohol too, which can help them hear that inner voice saying that drinking doesn’t serve them!

I remember being scared of changing my relationship with alcohol. I mostly worried about it being uncomfortable for my husband, like he’s losing his drinking buddy. But we all need the freedom and autonomy to change, whether it’s drinking habits or something else entirely!

We all do things independently from our partners. Obviously, it would be nice if our partners joined in on some of these things, but it’s not a requirement for a relationship to work.

I want you to remember these two things as you think about changing your relationship with alcohol, or really any change at all:

First, you are making a change for YOU, and you have no idea what good could come of things with your partner as a result. Second, It may not look like what you think it's going to look like. You may or may not have to go completely alcohol-free to experience deeper joy and happiness.

The fear of being left behind

Often in a relationship or a partnership, we are so terrified that if the other person changes, you’ll be left behind, or they’ll outgrow you, or maybe not even like you anymore. I want to help you feel a little less afraid as you explore the idea of going alcohol-free while having a drinking partner.

Start with taking a break. Trying it out will also make conversation with your partner easier. And don’t forget to leave breadcrumbs!

Share how the experience is impacting you. Tell them about the benefits you’re experiencing, like your improved sleep, better concentration, and increased energy. You can also open up about how drinking made you feel in comparison.

“I always woke up feeling sluggish after drinking.”

“I’m realizing that my sleep was always dysregulated when I was drinking.”

“My mood overall feels lighter and I have more patience.”

These are all breadcrumbs. And in fact, sharing vulnerably about how alcohol negatively affected you can also bring you and your partner closer. You are helping your partner understand the gift this journey has been for you. As you continue being alcohol-free, they’ll know why.

If alcohol is part of your partnership, be intentional and spend just as much quality time together as before. When I took a break from alcohol, my husband and I began training for a half marathon together. Instead of taking our usual date night with wine or going to a brewery, dates became our practice runs. As our endurance increased, we spent our runs talking and connecting in a special and real way. Today he still runs, and I don't, which is okay! We still have other great ways of connecting with each other.

Whether with alcohol or running, we each need the autonomy to change. When you go on your own journey, remember that you might be influencing your partner too, in a very real and beautiful way.

Serving your partner’s highest sel

I believe we all have what's called a higher self - a connection to our soul, a connection to the wisest version of ourselves. And we each have unlimited potential to evolve into our higher self. Every time you lean into this power and choose to pursue your higher self, you also have the chance to empower and serve your partner’s soul and highest self.

You can't play small for the comfort level of someone else.

Just like holding yourself back holds others back, holding someone else back from living out their dreams and passions actually holds you back from living out your truth, too.

Why is this important?

Because when we don’t make a change for our highest selves, we ultimately develop resentment.

I remember being so scared to quit my job and take the leap into full-time entrepreneurship for fear that it would break up my marriage, and I remember telling my friend about it. Her reply? “You know what else could break up a marriage? Resentment.”

Have faith that through you becoming more alive, more empowered, and more connected to your true feelings will actually make you a better partner in your relationship. It really doesn't matter whether your partner chooses to follow you or not - that's not necessarily the point.

The point is that you believe that no matter what you each do, there is infinite room to share, grow, and make your partnership 10,000 times better than it ever was before.

We don't marry someone because of what they drink, right? It’s because we love them for who they are. So I hope you remember that your partner loves you for who you are - not for what's in your glass!

“It's not just that one little thing with alcohol. You becoming more alive is literally how you empower other people. You inspire other people. You can't play small for the comfort level of someone else.” Karolina Rzadkowolska

LINKS/RESOURCES MENTIONED

Karolina’s book is available in hardcover, Kindle, and as an audiobook. Be sure to get your copy of Euphoric: Ditch Alcohol and Gain a Happier, More Confident You today and leave your review.

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