Our Stories: Heather
Drinking more than you want to is just about the most common experience a drinker can have. You are not alone in questioning alcohol and there is so much power in finding another way.
I have yet to meet someone who quit drinking who didn’t completely up-level their life. Read and see.
This series shares stories of strong-ass women (and men!) who decided to stop settling for hangovers and mediocrity and discovered their best selves through an alcohol-free lifestyle. They inspire a whole new generation of people to know that you don’t have to drink to be “normal” or fit in. Why not be exceptional instead?
Heather Lowe from Ditched the Drink
Heather Lowe is the founder of Ditched the Drink, where she supports and inspires people who want to get rid of alcohol and live the life they were made for. From college partier, to wine o’clock mom, Heather realized there must be a better way when her panic attacks and stress where leading to daily wine. Though it wasn’t easy, Heather retrained her mind to look for bigger picture contentment and is now daily living out the life she always wanted for herself. Read her inspiring story below!
Heather’s story
Before Drinking:
I was a girl growing up in beer drinking, small town, Wisconsin with two parents who had a reputation for partying. They met in a beer tent. I was extroverted and had a big need to express myself. I was the loud one. The funny one. Class clown. Big flirt. I took on the energy of a room and took the attention off of others and put it on myself to make us all the more comfortable. I did this like it was my job to take care of others, by putting the attention on me. The more nervous I was, the funnier I became.
Drinking Story:
I started drinking in high school like everyone else, drinking beer from kegs at parties in barns and fields. Running to hide in corn fields when the cops game. I loved the buzz and the fun. It gave me the courage to talk to boys. I always felt like I was too much. Needed too much. Talked too much. Drank too much. I kept the party going through college. I met my husband in a bar. We had tons of fun going out together and drinking with friends. In my early drinking days it was mostly beer and it was always social. There were hangovers, of course and a few drunken moments I am not proud of, but for the most part, my drinking seemed very typical for my demographic. I called the hangover days, “Bed Days” and like them too, giving myself permission to lay around and eat fast food. As a type A busy body, giving myself a day off was a welcome relief.
What changed:
I think the biggest change happened after I had kids. I started drinking wine, which seemed more innocent and sophisticated than beer. I really, really like wine and the different kind of quick, happy buzz it gave me. Being a Mom was the best gift of my life, but as all Mom’s know it is so hard and overwhelming. Drinking wine, which was social encouraged, took the edge off. My husband traveled a lot for work so I started drinking alone with the kids. Sipping a little each evening to make it through the witchy hour, dinner time, bath time, bed time. And then enjoying a little more wine for me time when the kids were asleep. Wine was something to look forward to. Demanding toddlers, at times, was not.
This daily wine habit started a cycle of dependence and increased my tolerance. I started to need wine every night, and more wine for the same happy buzz. It was ok because its not like I was ever getting drunk. Just a little happy buzz to enjoy my lonely hard evenings with my young daughters, and make me a better Mom.
When did alcohol become a problem?
When my youngest went to kindergarten, I took a new big job with long days. I hated it. I missed my kids and my home. I switched jobs 3 times in 6 years, hating all of them. During this time two of my best friends died unexpectedly and I did their eulogies. My Dad also died unexpectedly and I also did his eulogy. I was drowning in grief and anxiety. Wine helped turn my mind off. Wine temporarily released me from my fear and anxiety. I was panicked all the time. I was afraid of everything. I didn’t have anyone to talk to because I felt I was too much for everyone. Everyone already heard my sob story. I was too sad about these deaths, and I couldn’t get over it fast enough. They didn’t want to hear it anymore, but I was not done talking about it. I drank wine to just shut me up. I drank wine to ignore the voices in my own head.
What was your biggest fear?
My biggest fear was being a life unlived. I knew there was so much more talent and creativity and wonder inside of me. I knew I was meant to help others, and mostly be the best mom to my kids. All of this was going to waste as I failed at work, suffered in silence, and drank on the couch alone every night. I was afraid of ending up lying in a hospital bed, dying too young from drinking, while apologizing to my kids and having it be too late. This image scared me so much, I had to just keep drinking to wash it down every time I thought of it, which was all the time.
When did you get help?
In a panic attack I called my company’s Employee Assistance Program and made an appointment to see a therapist. When I met with therapist, she didn’t really think my drinking was a problem, even though I told her it was. I wasn’t driving drunk, I wasn’t physically hurting my kids, I was showing up to work. She suggested harm reduction, but since I wasn’t really harming anything, she thought maybe just don’t get caught drinking from the kids. Maybe drink alone in my big closet/bonus room. I am not kidding this was the therapeutic advice I got. She prescribed me an anti anxiety medication. I started taking it and also kept drinking. The combination turned me into a walking blackout on a few embarrassing occasions. I couldn’t hide my drinking anymore because my inner circle was seeing it. They couldn’t deny it. I hated them for it. Aside from my husband and kids, most people in my life have an alcohol issue too. I was just worse. Louder about it. More noticeable. As I am. Needing more, as I do.
How did you get help?
I had done a few sober experiments, always with the goal to go back to drinking. It was hard to quit, but I started to show up for myself and honor my commitment to me. I started getting a buzz from the inner confidence, that I was doing something hard, but I was succeeding at it for 70 days, or whatever. This planted a seed of hope inside of me.
How long did it take to get sober?
It was probably a 3 year journey of sober experiments and going back to drinking before I decided the best thing for me would be to quit for good. At the end of my drinking I was between jobs feeling like a failure again. I kept getting and taking jobs that didn’t align with what I wanted to do, and I was so conflicted internally. I was so bloated I could barely recognize myself in the mirror. My face had gotten so fat that it changed shape and it didn’t even look like me. My husband was so over me. We were so disconnected that we couldn’t go out to dinner without arguing. I needed a bottle of wine to tolerate dinner with him. He was at a loss of what to do. In addition to my husband, I worried all my most important people: my Mom, my kids, and my best friends. Everyone was getting sick of my drunken antics. I was scared as shit to take a leap of faith but had to question that if I quit drinking life might get better. It could not get worse. I didn’t want this to be my story. I knew that. I had to try something different. This wasn’t working. I fell to my knees in surrender to my husband crying my eyes out that my perfect life was miserable for me and I was going to quit for good and I needed his help. That was February 20, 2018, Day 1 of the rest of my life.
How did you get sober?
Getting sober was so hard. I spent a lot of time in bed trying not to bite my own arm off. I felt exposed, like a turtle without a shell. It was scary to go out in the world without my cover up of wine. But every day I did it. And I just kept doing it. I didn’t use any formal program like AA or rehab or anything. I just became a student of my own problem. I read all the Quit Lit, listened to all the podcasts, studied addiction and the brain, read all the blogs. I started journaling, meditation, running. I threw myself 1000% into my sobriety. My drinking brain was like a toddler throwing temper tantrums and had to teach myself coping skills, that because of my drinking, I somehow never learned. Here I was a 40 something adult who only knew how to drink for good times, stressful times, bored times, fun times, sad times. I literally did not know what to do with any feeling besides drink it away. How sad that my only coping skill was to numb myself from feeling anything.
Where are you now?
I am finally living the life I was meant to life. I am fully present in my moments, doing what I am meant to do. I am not a life unlived. I can die at peace knowing that. I have turned it around, which is a great model for my daughters too.
I created a digital 6 week Ditched the Drink Sober Jumpstart Course, which is the exact guide I wanted when I was quitting. I didn’t want to leave my house. I didn’t want AA. I wanted to remain anonymous, it was a very private journey for me at first. I wanted to explore my relationship in the safety of myself only. I was way too vulnerable to share with others at first. I have created a road map for others using a lifetime of my research, resources, teachers, and experiences. I put it all down and recorded a class, and gathered the resources in one spot to support others. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work, a Professional Human Resource Certificate, and a Life Coach certification. I taught myself how to build a website and create an online course and started coaching people in Recovery virtually and in person. I am finally living in alignment and doing the work I was made for.
I announced my sobriety at my 1 year anniversary. Many people were surprised to learn that I had a problem. It was brave for me to announce it. I like to say, if you weren’t scared, it wasn’t brave. I was very afraid to do this so it was very brave. The response was incredible and supportive.
I have made it my mission to help others. I write about it. I speak about it. I social media post all about it. I preach the sober good life preach. You don’t have to be an alcoholic to quit. There is no shame in getting help.
I wake up grateful everyday to have been able to ditch the drink!
When I was drinking I wanted to dance, write, help others, own my business and go to Africa.
Now that I am sober I am actually doing all the things I said I wanted to do. I leave for Africa next Saturday.
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