Ep 123: When an AF Friend Drinks Again with Danielle

Jun 2

Today we’re digging into the nuances of alcohol-free friendships. And specifically, what do you do when an alcohol-free friend makes the decision to drink again?

When you’re on the journey together and then suddenly your friend changes directions, it can feel deeply personal. This is exactly what Danielle and Karolina dig into today on Euphoric The Podcast. From maintaining amazing longtime friendships to setting personal boundaries, this episode explores a variety of perspectives and offers wisdom and insight to support you in your alcohol-free journey while preserving your friendships!

Can we still be friends?

When you enter the alcohol-free world, it is so encouraging to be surrounded by others who have ditched alcohol. In fact, that’s the entire reason that Danielle and I met and became such good friends in the first place. I was even a bridesmaid in her wedding this year.

Danielle’s experience with going alcohol-free included the twelve-step program and attending meetings. And while you can meet incredible people through that process, it can also mean being around people that make the decision to start drinking again.

It can almost feel like a broken promise when a friend goes back to drinking, like they made an agreement to you that you were in this together.

You might wonder, “Can I still maintain a friendship with this person?”

“How can I be there to support them, while still having boundaries to protect my own journey?”

Your friendships can’t be rooted solely in the commonality of being non-drinkers. Friendships were never meant to be one dimensional anyway.

As Danielle has gone through her own alcohol-free journey and personal growth process over the years, she’s realized a true friend drinking again doesn’t mean you can no longer share a sisterhood.

In fact, it’s in those times you can assure them you care and that your love for them goes much deeper than whether they drink an alcoholic beverage or not.

Friendship goes way beyond a beverage

Danielle gave up drinking four years ago, and one of the incredible ways that she uses her experience and transformation is through running her San Diego alcohol-free women’s meetup. Today there are almost 800 women participating in this group, which is amazing.

Early on in starting this community, Danielle found she couldn’t be friends with everyone that joined. This would not only be unsustainable, but it was also unrealistic. Instead, she has kept only a small handful of close friends. Sure, being alcohol-free is what brought them together initially, but relationships are so much deeper than that being the sole dynamic.

Danielle’s empathy toward others along with starting this powerful group also meant she needed to set some boundaries that support her best interest, while also caring for and loving her friends:

Don’t call me if you are intoxicated or actively drinking
Don’t call me after 9pm
Pay extra attention to self-compassion and taking care of self

These are beautiful ways for Danielle to support herself in her journey, while also maintaining long-lasting and rich friendships.

We each have autonomy

It’s important to remember that each person is the one in control of their decisions and commitments. They can decide whether to drink again or not, and it also doesn’t make them a bad person or a failure if they do.

Danielle reminds her friends, if they decide to go back to drinking, she isn’t judging them. Her friendship is still important to us, and she truly cares about the entire, complex, beautiful human they are.

It’s not my place to tell you how to live your life.

We all have autonomy with how we decide to move through our lives, and this includes the decision to ditch alcohol, or start drinking again. I think this is so important to acknowledge because when you get to be the one choosing and making decisions it’s so much more sustainable.

“If you're feeling triggered by someone else starting to drink again, whether it's on Instagram, or a friend in your circle or an acquaintance, the first thing I would ask myself is why does that bother me? What is the fear, or the anger or the disgust or feelings of sadness? What is coming up? Because those are all very different feelings, and they all point in very different directions.” Danielle

LINKS/RESOURCES MENTIONED

Karolina’s book is available in hardcover, Kindle, and as an audiobook. Be sure to get your copy of Euphoric: Ditch Alcohol and Gain a Happier, More Confident You today and leave your review.

Follow @euphoric.af on Instagram

If you’re local to San Diego, join Danielle’s Recovering Womxn’s Social Club.

And as always, rate, review, and subscribe so we can continue spreading our message far and wide.