Episode 68: Relationships and Dating with Kirstie Taylor

May 13

Today Karolina sits down with Kirstie Taylor, relationships, dating, and self-love writer who recently published a new book, What I Wish I Knew About Love.

After serially jumping from one relationship to the next for over a decade, Kirstie was inspired to take an entire year off from dating and research everything she could discover about love, from attachment theories to codependency and love languages. And after publishing a popular article on Medium about a toxic relationship she experienced, she fell into the career she has today. There are so many incredible insights and lessons about love to glean from this conversation. Enjoy!

A lack of self confidence can create issues in your dating life.

Kirstie acknowledges that if we want to attract and manifest healthy relationships and incredible partners into our lives, we need to build our confidence and live a life we’re really proud of. There’s a lot you can do to add more meaning and purpose to your life, like focusing on your career, or acquiring a new hobby.

If your life is filled with mundane patterns and stagnant routines, like watching TV every night, that’s a good indicator that you should try something new, or take a hobby and see how you can push it further. For example, if you’re learning guitar, perhaps you could write a song - something to be proud of.

Having strong boundaries is also important. Not just in having boundaries with the people you’re dating, but with anyone who is in your life--whether it’s your parents, your friends, your boss, or your co-workers. Getting better at building boundaries will boost your self-confidence, too, and help you foster even more meaningful friendships and relationships.

Move through your emotions rather than covering them up.

A lot of the time, we can find ourselves drinking alcohol as a way to process our emotions. Emotions are our greatest teachers--they highlight where you may need to make a change or where you need more boundaries. What if instead of picking up a drink, you allow yourself to process that emotion?

When you drink, the emotion won’t go away, it will just get pushed down. If your emotions are being triggered by a boundary being crossed, Kirstie encourages us to have the difficult conversations so that resentment doesn’t fester. In fact, she says that resentment is the #1 silent killer among all relationships.

Have a weekly check-in with your partner.

Kirstie’s idea to schedule an intentional weekly check-in with your partner is gold, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone who has a more closed-off communication style.

Creating an open-hearted ritual like this builds a safe space to talk about your relationship openly. You can work on your relationship without it being broken. Likewise with alcohol, just because we decide to take a break, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. It’s important to build these intentional practices into our lives to make our lives even better.

During the check-in, think about a few questions you can ask each other every week, such as:

How are things going?
Did I do anything to upset you?
What’s one thing you loved from this past week?
What’s going well?
What can we work on?

“Build that life that you really are proud of and love. And then you won’t feel so much pressure in your dating life. You won’t feel like, “this person will complete me.” Because you already feel complete.”

LINKS/RESOURCES MENTIONED

How To Take A Month Off and Feel Amazing - Free Guide

Follow Euphoric Alcohol-Free on Instagram

Join the free 5 Day Restart to reset your mindset and get clear

What I Wish I Knew About Love, by Kirstie Taylor

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love , by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment , by Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks

Discover more of Kirstie’s recommended resources by listening to Episode 68 of Euphoric the Podcast. And as always, rate, review, and subscribe so we can continue spreading our message far and wide.